Loving a Sinner Page 12

If I hadn’t had him with me, I was pretty sure I would have already fled the party. But there was something comforting about having Jackson with me.

  “You’re drunk,” I replied. I wasn’t exactly sure why, out of everything floating through my mind, that was what I decided to say. The heavy tension that had built around us came crashing down as he smiled and laughed.

  “A little, yeah.”

  This time I laughed… over the absurdity of it all. My ex boyfriend had just announced he was having a kid with the girl he had cheated on me with, yet here I was trying to regulate my heart rate due to the closeness of Jackson Bennett.

  “Aren’t you two cute?” Hannah Freaking Scott spat.

  For once I wished she would just shut up. Everyone’s eyes fell onto Jackson and I. As they took the sight of us in, I was sure they couldn’t help but notice my hand in his or the way that I was practically halfway on his lap.

  “Thank you,” Jackson saluted. I sighed, closing my eyes. He didn’t know what he had just admitted to.

  “What? Are you guys like a thing?” Kayla asked. Her normally cheerful voice sounded hurt.

  I opened my eyes and found Kayla’s questioning ones.

  “No,” I lied.

  “Ryan, truth or dare?” Kayla countered.

  Shit.

  “Dare,” I replied. There was no way in hell I was admitting anything to these people.

  “Kiss Jackson.”

  All the supposed fun of the game had been ripped away. Her voice was low and demanding. I should have known better. I couldn’t lie to my best friend without her finding out.

  “Kayla—”

  “Kiss him, Ryan! If you’re telling the truth, it’s just an innocent game, right?”

  I looked to Devlin who was now watching us with a venomous look. Like that bastard had any reason to feel angry.

  I slowly turned to face Jackson.

  “You don’t have to do it,” he told me softly. In that moment, I hated him for being so perfect. Why couldn’t he be an ass? Then I could pretend like this kiss meant nothing to me. But I knew that as soon as my lips met his, our secret would be out. I couldn’t pretend with him.

  “Kiss me, Jackson,” I whispered so only he could hear me.

  When our lips touched, it was a feather-soft kiss. But he went in for a second and third kiss. He tasted sweet like the alcohol he had been drinking. By the fourth kiss, he had me drunk on him. I had almost forgotten that people were watching. But the, “WHAT THE FUCK, Jackson!” had made it a little hard to ignore our audience.

  Jackson pushed me away and stared up at Devlin, who was now at his feet.

  “Bro, it was a dare,” Jackson said, throwing his hands up in defense.

  “Was it, though?” Kayla argued. I couldn’t find the courage to look at her.

  Jackson jumped to his feet as Devlin charged at him.

  “Devlin, stop!” Madison cried before all hell broke loose.

  I wasn’t sure who threw the first punch, and I don’t remember getting pulled away from the scuffle. But Kayla’s heated words brought me back to reality.

  “What is going on?!” she yelled.

  “I… I don’t know what to say… We… Jackson and I…”

  “So this is actually happening?” Kayla pushed.

  “It’s not serious. We fooled around,” I said, finding my voice. I was sick and tired of people pushing me around.

  “I don’t even care that it’s happening, it’s the fact that you didn’t tell me… I thought you told me everything?”

  I knew she was hurt. Kayla wasn’t someone who usually showed her true emotions. She kept her cool, she was the ice queen of California. But standing in front of me in that moment, she was just a girl who had been caught off guard by her best friend’s secret.

  “I’m sorry, Kay… I didn’t know how to tell you…”

  “How long?”

  “What?”

  “How long have you guys been… fooling around?”

  “Two weeks ago,” I admitted.

  The hurt in Kayla’s face echoed the sound in her voice when she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I took in a steadying breath. I was full of guilt and for the first time since Jackson and I had started our fling, I regretted it.

  “I don’t know, but I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, me too, Ryan.” We looked at each other for what seemed like forever. Trying to figure out what each person was thinking. But with a sigh, Kayla finally broke our silence, “I need to make sure that none of the guys have killed each other.”

  Shit. Jackson.

  I rushed after her, and when we got back to the party, we found Jackson and Devlin sitting on chairs with ice packs. Madison was standing over Devlin like a momma hen, while Jackson was nursing his bloody knuckles alone. He looked up to find me, but it was Kayla who kept me grounded where I was.

  She was my best friend. Could I really risk our friendship for Jackson Bennett?

  “Go… go help him,” Kayla breathed next to me. “I’m still pissed, but he looks like a lost puppy without you.”

  She gave me an eye roll and a reassuring smile before I headed to where Jackson was wincing in pain.

  “You know,” I said, kneeling beside him. I took his ice pack from his hands and pressed it against his eye that was swelling, “The best way to show you care about a girl is to beat up her ex.”

  His eyes brightened at my words, and I felt my heart racing.

  “Had to defend your honor,” he mumbled with a shy smile.

  “Well, I hope I was worth it when you wake up tomorrow and can’t open your eye.”

  “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” His words were low and soft like velvet. I wanted to close my eyes and hear him say it again and again.

  I was worth the black eye and the torn knuckles.

  I had to be incredibly fucked up if I was turned on by a man doing violent things to my ex. But here I was, a throb between my legs and a buzz running through my veins.

  “Wanna get outta here?” I asked quietly. This time I was given a beautiful, full smile.

  “Your place or my place in L.A.?” he asked.

  “Yours,” I told him.

  He nodded and stood, taking my hand as he did. He thought I was talking about going home to his dad’s apartment.

  But what I meant was, I’m yours.

  And I was. Completely and terrifyingly his.

  When I woke up the morning after the pool party, I felt as though a freight train had run me over… multiple times. My head pounded from the hangover I was sure I deserved, and my eye wouldn’t open. But the worst thing that I felt was the guilt and dread over remembering what had transpired the night before.

  They knew. Devlin, Kayla, all of their friends. They all knew that I had been with Ryan.

  Ryan.

  The thought of her had me jumping up, ready to call her and try to apologize. But when I did, I found a small arm tucked around my middle. She was there, looking like an angel. A confused and slightly dazed angel who had just been pulled from her dreams by a madman. That madman was me.

  “Jackson?” She pushed her messy hair out of her eyes and squinted at me.

  “Sorry… I was going to call you,” I told her before I helped push her hair out of her face. I leaned toward her and pressed my lips against her forehead.

  Her smile had my breath catching and my head spinning. “Why?” she asked with a small chuckle. “I’m right here.”

  I was surprised when my cheeks warmed from a blush that I was sure was spreading across my cheeks. I never blushed. I was Jackson Fucking Bennett for chrissake.

  “Uh…” I wasn’t sure how to say what I needed to say. How was one supposed to apologize for possibly screwing up someone’s friendships over a hookup?

  “You feeling okay? Your eye looks like shit,” she said before I had a chance at offering an apology.

  “You sure know how to boost a man’s ego,” I joked back. It sounded lame, and I
kicked myself for even bothering.

  Her small laugh gave me a reassuring squeeze. She wasn’t pissed like I thought she would be.

  “I think your ego is just fine… Last night—”

  “About last night,” I cut her off, “I’m so sorry, Ryan. I didn’t mean for everything to get out of hand like that.”

  I waited and watched as she gathered her thoughts. I could tell she felt conflicted. Her smile remained while her eyes danced through the different emotions I was sure she was feeling.

  “It’s okay,” she finally told me. I breathed a bit easier. I say breathed easier, but in reality each breath was hard and labored due to my bruised ribs that I had received on behalf of Devlin’s fists. The fucking bastard.

  “So what does that mean for us?” I asked her. I felt like a selfish asshole, hoping she would still want to continue whatever it was we were doing. She had just been humiliated in front of her friends and ex. She had every right to dump my sorry ass.

  “Well, I hope it means that we can still fool around… and now it’s not a secret, which makes it easier, right?”

  I hated the sound of hesitancy in her voice. As if I would deny her. She had no fucking clue what she did to me, what she meant to me.

  “Right,” I confirmed quickly, pulling her up so she sat in front of me. It was then that I realized she was in nothing but one of my tees. My dick stirred excitedly, and I tried to warn him that this was not the fucking time.

  “Kayla gave us her blessing,” she told me quietly, her beautiful lips curling up ever so slightly.

  “Well, shit, if the queen herself gave the blessing…” I laughed before kissing the corners of her perfect mouth.

  “Mmmm,” was all Ryan said in response. She wanted me as much as I wanted her in that moment.

  I took the chance and let my mouth wander to hers. At first, our kiss was exploratory. But when she ran her tongue across my lower lip, I let out a groan. She slipped her tongue into my mouth as soon as I did. I was about to deepen our kiss when she pushed me back.

  “Shit! Stop. Wait right here.” She jumped out of the bed like a crazy person on a mission.

  “What? Why?”

  “I have to brush my teeth.”

  I wanted to laugh because only Ryan could resist our sexual tension because of personal hygiene. Hell, I would have laughed if my dick hadn’t been hard as a rock. I just wanted her. I didn’t care if she thought she tasted bad. Nothing about her could ever be gross to me.

  “Ryan…” It came out like a moan, and she giggled before running toward the bathroom of my suite.

  “One second!” she called over her shoulder.

  Well, if she was going to ruin the moment with her brushing of teeth, I might as well join her.

  I pulled myself out of the bed reluctantly and found my boxers tenting. This woman was going to kill me. I was just glad that my shirt was where it belonged: on me. I couldn’t chance the conversation that would inevitably happen if she saw what hid underneath.

  “You better not be using my toothbrush, Patterson!” I laughed. I lazily made my way to the bathroom where I found Ryan looking at me through the mirror. As she brushed her teeth with my damn toothbrush. I rolled my eyes at her and waited for her to finish so I could brush my teeth.

  When she was done, she handed me the toothbrush cautiously.

  “That’s nasty. Using that after me.”

  I growled. “Well, that’s funny coming from the girl who just stole someone else’s toothbrush.”

  She wiggled her eyebrows playfully and sauntered out of the bathroom, leaving me to my thoughts.

  I was too far in with her. I found myself excited that we were doing domestic things together like brushing our teeth. It sounded dumb, and I knew that, but for the first time in my life since Kayla, I could see myself settling down with a girl and it excited me. I was ready to stop being a stupid asshole who slept around and wasted his time on temporary highs.

  Ryan was anything but temporary.

  When I was done, I threw my toothbrush on the counter and jogged back to my bed, where I found a very naked Ryan smiling as though she thought she was so damn clever.

  “What’s this?” I asked her playfully.

  “This,” she paused spreading herself deliciously across my bed. She threw her hands above her head and lifted her knees toward her chest. “This, is your breakfast.”

  And God help me, in that moment I thought nothing could get better than finding the girl I cared about offering herself up to me. She wasn’t just my breakfast, she was the only thing that could fill my hunger. She was every damn meal.

  I pushed my boxers down, revealing just how much I wanted her. Her mouth formed a small “o” as she watched me pump my fist over my erection.

  “Is this what you want?” I asked her. The smile that spread across my face threatened to crack my whole head open. This girl had me completely drunk off of her. She had her hands clutched around my heart, and for once I wasn’t scared of the implications of that. She had the power to break me, but something told me that she never would.

  Shakily, she drew in a breath and met my eyes.

  “Yes,” was her simple answer. It was all I needed before I pulled her by her ankles toward the end of the bed where I stood.

  “Do you know how much I want you? Need you?”

  “Show me,” she whined.

  “I plan to, babe.” My voice was heavy with want, and everything was drowned out. Any doubt, all of my guilt over last night, and any worry that this was temporary. All I saw was her. She was everything.

  I pulled her legs over my shoulders, leaving her vulnerable to my mouth. Kissing up her leg, I found myself where she wanted me most. She was glistening with want, and I found my eyes drifting from her perfect pussy to her curious eyes.

  She had told me that she didn’t like having someone going down on her, but I could tell she wanted me to taste her. She licked her lips, making me want her even more.

  “Can I?” I asked. Even if I could read her like an open book, I wasn’t an asshole. I would only do what she wanted me to do.

  “Yes… Yes, please, Jackson.”

  A smirk curled onto my face before I rubbed her wet slit with my thumb. She mewled and wiggled her ass.

  Slowly I made circles around her clit. I wanted to taste her, make her come with my mouth, but first I would have my fun. I wouldn’t give her what she wanted until she was a mess of want and need for the release only I could give her.

  “Fuck, Ryan,” I groaned as she lifted her hips, trying to find the friction she desired.

  I pushed a finger into her. Her gasp echoed through the otherwise quiet room. Slowly I began pumping in and out. Not too little, but not enough to give her what she was looking for.

  “Jackson… Please.”

  She didn’t realize that I got off from her little pleas. Hearing her ask me for what I wanted to give her made me harder for her than I wanted to admit.

  “Please what?” I taunted. Her eyes found mine, and I could see the frustration in them.

  “Don’t tease me, asshole.”

  I chuckled. Even during sex this woman was sassy as hell.

  It was then that my mouth connected with her clit. I sucked and reveled in the throaty sounds that were coming from her. I released her bundle and licked slowly from back to front. She tasted exactly how I imagined: heaven.

  I placed a second finger in her, and I ate her while fucking her with my two fingers. She was close. So close.

  “Jackson,” she breathed.

  And then she was gone. She clenched around my fingers. I kissed her pussy one last time before I pumped my fingers in and out of her, letting her ride out her orgasm.

  When she stilled and her breathing turned from fast and staccato to labored and sated, I pushed myself up and over her.

  “That was… wow.”

  I kissed her lips softly, “I agree, it was wow.”

  She must have felt my erection between her so
aked legs because she began to thrust herself up, rubbing me between the swollen lips of her pussy.

  “Ryan… we don’t have to,” I told her, slamming my eyes shut.

  I would do anything to be in her, but I didn’t want her to think she had to do it for me.

  “Jackson…” I opened my eyes to find hers staring at me through heavy lids. “I need you.”

  I needed her too. So much. I wondered if she could see that through my hard exterior.

  “Okay,” I whispered against her lips.

  I reached between us and took my throbbing dick in my hands and placed myself at her entrance. She wiggled, trying to get closer. I raised my eyebrows.

  “Jesus Christ, Ryan.”

  “Hurry, jackass.”

  A low laugh settled in my chest as I rubbed my head through her slick lips. She was completely ready for me. Slowly I entered her, wanting to feel every inch. When I filled her entirely, I released a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. It was then that I realized I hadn’t used a condom.

  “Shit. Shit, baby… I forgot… I swear I’m clean, but I forgot the condom. One second.” My voice was rushed, and it ruined the haze we had been in.

  “I’m on the pill,” she reassured me. “Please… I want you.”

  I was surprised by her response. When we had first started this thing, she had made it clear that she didn’t want to chance anything with me. Now here she was, looking at me with her blue, pleading eyes.

  But I couldn’t give her what she wanted. Just the idea of having a kid made my dick soften inside her. I couldn’t ever chance being a dad. I would be a shitty parent, and I’d be damned if I placed that burden on someone like Ryan.

  Once Devlin had jokingly wondered aloud how many Jackson Juniors were running around the world. I almost broke out in hives at the thought, and prayed that there were none. And if there were, that they had a decent mom and I would never have the chance to fuck up their lives. No kid needed me in their life.

  “Ryan… I’m sorry. One second.” I begrudgingly pulled out of her and headed to the drawer I was keeping the box of condoms tucked away. I couldn’t bear looking at her as I did. I didn’t want her to think it had anything to do with her. No, this was all me.

  Once I had secured the piece of latex on me, the one that would ensure my seed wouldn’t be making any little miracles any time soon, I made my way back to where Ryan was lying. She had a smile on her face and still looked horny as fuck, but I could tell that my denial of being with her without anything between us had changed something about the way she was looking at me. She didn’t look hurt, but I could tell she was slowly building that wall back up again. I hated that.